Random reflections on Marriage

So those of you who know me are aware of the fact that today I spent the majority of the day sitting co-pilot to the captain of our boat as we bobbed our way past the onion fields, through traffic/construction and accidents, over the Grapevine, alongside big rigs full of mysterious cargo that strangely resembles the legs of hundreds of dead cows and finally arriving safe and sound to the In Laws house. …( Well not yet but we r on our way!!)

No we weren’t sailing around the open ocean despite how beautiful the weather was when we left … We were driving his giant Silverado the 200+ miles north to Ceres,California! We braved the odds and despite having an underwear clad toddler in tow we continued on our trek enjoying our Smart water, cold juice boxes, string cheese and fishy crackers!

This wasn’t really why I began writing though, all this time locked away in a tin can with a crying baby and grumpy Captain with nothing to look at but rusty trains and fields of dry produce, I’ve had PLENTY of time to reflect on the last ten years of my amazing marriage and how things have changed… For Better AND for worse.

For example: ten years ago I used to think it was cute to dress my handsome husband up like the fancy schmancy Ken doll my grandparents never bought me and pick out a matching outfit for myself…..now, either one of us is lucky to find a clean outfit that didn’t come from the bottom of a hamper covered in dog hair or smelling like sour milk and that is after I’ve already done five loads of laundry that same day! If we want to match we can most likely match the shape of food stains on the collar…don’t tempt me to prove it.

Ten years ago I remember dreaming up elaborate date nights consisting of fancy restaurants, movie theaters, quiet walk on the beAch and a little hanky panky in the back seat… Oh yeah I just said hanky panky! NOW however we still tend to fantasize about fancy restaurants, movies in the theater romantic walks on the beach and yes some hanky panky too. But the reality looks much more like this: sit down dinner where we stuff ourselves enjoying the moment to eat warm food with both hands and siting at a table, no kids Demanding our attention .. Alone Together. then after enjoying the food a little Too much we wobble out of the fine establishment, top notch unbuttoned too exhausted and full to attempt going to a theater… Maybe a walk on the beach?? Nope once seated in the car laziness gets the best of us and we opt to go home and crash. What about the hanky panky you say?? Oh well the closest thing to back seat hanky panky these days is the smack on my ass when I have to heave myself up into his Goliath of a vehicle. He just stands there watching me amused far more than he respectfully should then when I think the embarrassment is over with … SMACK!!! He giggles like a school boy and shuts the door….My other option is asking him to help me but trust me, that option is worse! Prince Charming has evolved let me tell you.

I remember ten years ago I thought his inability to eat eggs over easy without getting it stuck in his beard was adorable…it was funny and cute to me that he loved them so much but couldn’t ever manage to eat them without needing a bunch of napkins afterward, and even more humorous when he would look to me and begin a conversation completely unaware that yet again there was yellow egg dangling from his chin. Ten years later, I do enough booger blowing, crumb brushing, and butt Wiping for our three children every day if he still thinks that tummy of his neEDs eggs over easy for breakfast in the morning he better darn well learn to wipe his OWN face before I notice it!

Ten years ago we thought diamonds and money and fancy cars or houses made out marriage better… Now weve learned that it’s the moments of silence and contentment while sharing your last bowl of Ramin having Faith that God will provide. The moments where we stand hand in hand fingers interlocked watching our children happily run and play, the moments late at night when we finally get the baby back to sleep and we both lay there talking because we are now wide awake, these moments are priceless and provide an unwavering foundation for a marriage.

Ten years ago we were young and spry and I remember thinking how glad I was that my husband didn’t snore like “all the rest” of the husbands of the world. I was wrong not only did he snore but he also has sleep apnea. I remember the first time he stopped breathing in his sleep I freaked out and shook him to oblivion! He jumped up wide awake wondering what the heck I was doing to him… When things calmed down he went right back to sleep again while I laid here clearly traumatized thinking I had seriously just watched my husband die and come back to life…. Now?? It’s a regular occurrence that barely goes noticed. He stops breathing and my crazy mom senses (possibly a super power evolved straight from the earlier trauma) jerk me out of. A deep sleep I roll over smack him hard on the chest, he coughs, begins to snore again and we both go back to sleep. Adaptation at its finest.

I remember once upon a time ( ten years ago) I felt obligated to shave. My legs to impress the fine man I married… Now I impress MYSELF if I find time to shave my legs!

Ten years Ago we fought every time something new came up that we disagreed on…. Now our arguments are mainly caused by the old disagreements that haven’t changed, we embrace the new ones with open arms and a newfound healthy perspective on diversity! 🙂

Ten years ago we had dreams of our future… Fancy house fast cars superstar career… Straight A perfect children pets that took care of themselves and the children ( like Nana on Peter pan) …. Now? Our imperfections make us unique and connected, our dream has morphed beautifully into a vision of true happiness and reality involving dog poop, principal calls, lots of bickering and giggling, dirty base boards, broken appliances, past due bills, diapers, and love.

It’s funny how things look TEN years later ….this year also happens to be my high school reunion and I’ve. Been watching friends post about how their lives have changed over the years… Wow how time flies…. If only I could say that we’re true. For this DRiVE!!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Update July 2012 « A Penny for Your Thoughts…

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