Under My Wing.

I keep getting waves of guilt washing over me.  Panic knocking me over like a tidal wave; despite my white knuckle grip on life I am falling….

I feel like a mama hen desperately trying to keep her little innocent fluffy babes safe from harms way as they happily frolic to and fro without a care in the world. But I am drenched with worry, wings outspread trying desperately to reach them, grab them and keep them underfoot.

But my babies are growing. My babies are learning. My babies are getting bigger and hearing things, seeing things… they are stepping out into this world and one day…

…they will know the truth.

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Suzies “Farm”

Today we decided to finally get dressed and get ready at 930am to go down to Imperial Beach and check out Suzie’s Farm. Their second Saturday of the month tour was today, 10am. Yep, thirty minutes to get all the way down to the border… I was crossing my fingers that we didn’t show up and everyone would be gone. Out of my fear, I made a deal with the kids though that if that happened we would go to the zoo and still do something fun for all our travels. They were content with this deal.

Mama Bear

About four years ago we dove head first into a world I knew nothing about.  This world was filled with words and acronyms and terminology that was completely foreign to me. My calendar suddenly began filling up with Parent-Teacher meetings, planning meetings, therapy services and appointments, parent training/coaching sessions, child-behavioral classes and so much more.  For a huge part of that time I seriously felt like I was spiraling out of control and making mistakes that were going to not only affect me but my precious son as well.  I took each piece of advice and outside opinion to heart and internalized them all.  I fought fight hard for my son and never really thought of myself as a ‘mama bear’ until now.  Now, I get it.

“Those Things”

So yesterday Kaelob was goofing around in the bathroom and I opened the door to find out if he had his pajamas on yet and had brushed his teeth.  I pushed the door open and he stands there (with jammies on) staring at me like he got caught in the act of something.  My first thought is, “Oh god… really?… he’s not that old yet is he?? ugh.”

I mustered up the courage to ask, “what are you doing?”

He just looks at me with a guilty expression on his face and then glanced behind the door.  I followed his gaze to see one of my bras hanging on the hook. “What is your deal?” I asked him.  He looked at me so embarrassed and said, “Why do girls wear those things?”

I smiled and tried to think of a simple response… “Well girls don’t wear them, ladies wear them when they are only grown up.” Hoping maybe that would distract the ‘why’ part of the question.

His face changed from confusion to elated understanding… “Ooooohhhhh !!” he said ” I get it… because Haylee doesn’t have those things!” he says as he points with his finger and draws an imaginary box around my chest.  and as im thinking… “oh god” he continued his explanation…” her’s are tiny, but your’s are muuucccchhhh bigger. I guess  girls get those things when they grow up….but why??”

I couldn’t help but laugh and giggle a little… then, I sent him to his father.

*Potty Talk*

So… I don’t know about you, but each time I go through the “potty training” process with my children I am humiliated in ALL NEW ways.

Every parent experiences those moments where they hear their sweet, innocent toddler suddenly yell, “I counting to five!!” and look over to see that they have placed their favorite teddy bear in time out for taking a toy away from her cabbage patch doll.  She proceeds to point her pudgy little finger at him and mumble through words that sound so familiar to you, “That is unnecessary. We don’t hit our friends!” 

It’s cute right?? Hearing your own words echo in the voice of your sweet child…

Well, when it comes to potty training… hearing your words echoed back to you…. it is not cute. It is embarrassing.

You  would think I had learned my lesson the first time I walked into a public restroom with Kaelob and he eagerly exlaimed as I lowered my pants to sit on the toilet, “Mommy have to go big poo poo??!!”  I remember that moment like it was yesterday.  I cringed and felt my heart pounding in my chest.  I didn’t move… and then I heard it.  Laughing.  A woman in the stall next to mine and one waiting by the sinks were giggling. I conveniently didnt have to pee anymore, I then helped Kaelob go potty and you better bet we took our sweet time so by the time that stall door opened we were alone.

Since then I have been reminded more times than I can count of how incredibly embarrassing my own words are when they are aimed right back at me.  Apparently I am a slow learner and continue to say dorky things to my children when trying to teach them to use the potty and time and time again it comes RIGHT BACK AT ME AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIMES!

“mommy go pee pee?”

“where’s the poo poo?”

“pushy pushy… push that poo poo out!” –along w the vision of your child squatting in front of you looking you in the eyes, face turning red as if her pushing will help you.

“uh oh, mommy stinky!”

“LOOK! There it is! Good pee pee mommy!!” –a few excited claps and a little joyful bounce accompany the giant smile here.

“Oh wow.. mommy make BIG poo poo!”

“Bye bye poo poo!!” -and yes, there is overly excited waving to the toilet bowl going on here.

“oh mommy, you need to wipe.”

“where’s the pee pee? PUSH mommy, you can do it!” – again, heavy breathing and bright read faces accompany this one.

Best one ever?

“Good girl mommy, you did it!!! Mommy BIG girl!!” –I sometimes wonder if I make the same silly faces, do the same silly happy dance and share the same ecstatic joy my child displays when exclaiming this one… Either way it is sure to cause a few giggles from outside our bathroom stall every time.

If you have kids, I know you can relate.  I know you can relate.  Even having your kids right there in your face grunting or giggling while you are trying to go to the bathroom in your own home is awkward and embarassing.  Some moments are definitely not meant to be shared, even with your kids…especially with your kids. 

If you don’t have kids, welcome to a glimpse of my world.  Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and maybe be prepared to hear everything you say to your children while learning to use the potty (or in general) right back in your face in every possible similar situation.

Be forewarned. 🙂

 

 

 

***DISCLAIMER***

I would like to also say that just because my child exclaims that “mommy going Poo poo” does NOT make it true. One time I had simply cleared my throat and Peytne thought I was struggle to get the world’s largest bowel movement out.

Marriage and God

*So they started out singing their version of the song “Shapoopie” from the Music Man which we just recently went and saw (friday).*

Then Haylee says…

Kony 2012 at Sunday School!

SO today It felt good to be back in my classroom at church.  These kids are so amazing. They are full of energy and eager to learn. Some of their questions and comments throw me off guard and challenge me and I love it!  They are a smaller group this time of year and although I would love to see more kiddo’s walking through my door, I really enjoy the time I have to spend with each one of them right now.

For today’s lesson because we had a smaller group I didn’t do the outdoor game or the Bible exercise from the material, instead we pulled out our journals and did an exercise on the story of Jonah.  We discussed the story of Jonah as we played the video. They wrote a summary of the story and lessons God was teaching Jonah while drawing a cartoon type storyboard.  I know we have watched the veggie tales version of this story before but when I asked them who Jonah was this is what I got:

You know you have a boy if…

…he comes out of the bathroom with a giant grin on his face and says, “hey mommy’! i just used my pee to push my poo out. My pee is so strong!! ANd my poo was going this way (as he points some crazy direction) and my pee was going this way (he points again, very seriously demonstrating what happened) and then the poo was in the toilet!!! I couldnt believe it!! wow. My pee is amazing.” He looks at me, smiles then walks back to his room…. there are SO many questions in my head right now.. NONE of which I am willing ask…

I thought I had sweet little girls?!

So while I was attempting to wash off the pounds of dirt off my sweet little girls I hear “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” I turn around and to my surprise I see Haylee bent over the side of the tub, butt in the air and then she does it- she let’s out the biggest fart I’ve ever heard come from a child, much less an adult!

The two of them start giggling like hyenas and Peytne says, “haha mommy, Haylee burped!” She remains slightly confused as to what to call the noise that comes from your butt, but has related it to the noise that comes from your mouth… I have yet to bother correcting her lol

However Haylee felt the need to say, “No Peytne, I farted. This is a burp!” BBBUUUURRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!!

Seriously?!?! “Haylee!!! Where did you learn that?!”

“What, mommy… you just swallow air, that’s how I can burp whenever I want!”

Peytne then starts imitating Haylee and making burping noises. Then they both start giggling again.

…. so much for having sweet little girly girls….

more about God…

Haylee ” so mommy, did the angel give Mary the baby Jesus?”
Me “no the angel told Mary about the baby butGod gave him to her.”
HAylee “oh.like how God gave me to you?…

A little later….
Haylee “mommy dying and then living and dying again doesn’t make any sense. Is it magic? It must be like magic….mommy do u know who is the most magic-est ever?? …..Harry Potter, because he has a magic wand.”